For Whom The Taco Bell Tolls
Taco Bell has introduced a new ‘value menu’ with several items priced under a buck! What luck! Junk food junkies rush on down to the Bell fast as your fat ass can waddle. This beats real food any day:
Triple Layer Nachos – Nacho chips topped with Taco Bell’s simmering Red Sauce, warm beans, and Nacho Cheese Sauce for 79 cents.
For nacho chips read fried sawdust. For red sauce read watered down ketchup. Warm beans? What an invention! and Nacho Cheese Sauce, which has no cheese but is saucy, compared to other congealed coconut oil products.
Melted Three-Cheese Roll-Up – A flour tortilla filled with a blend of three melted cheeses and rolled up for 79 cents.
Roll-up or throw-up? The same fine pseudo-cheese in three colors (depending on age) in thin layers on a wheat tortilla. Yummy.
Big Taste Taco – A flour tortilla filled with seasoned beef, crisp lettuce, crunchy Red Strips, cheddar cheese, and topped with Taco Bell’s Creamy Jalapeno Sauce for 99 cents.
Hey people — that ain’t no taco! Tacos are made with corn tortillas — that’s an unfolded burrito. For seasoned beef read cow brains with salt and black pepper. Of course the lettuce is crisp, it’s still frozen. Red Strips — I won’t even go there. More of that ‘cheese’ and Jalapeno sauce that is miraculously un-hot.
Man, just go down to the nearest Mexican Village in any American city around midnight, and look for the carts — they will be selling the real tacos there. Have some chicharrones too, and wash it down with a real beer (anything made outside the USA).